a supposedly blissful life

live life to its fullest.

can you actually do that?

without having to feel one bit of pain?

if so, i'm amazed.

our benefits

it's been almost two weeks now since the holiday last last sunday, well, i loved it. but i heard the news that the holiday would be extended. i can't bear to face the agony. actually, one side of me wants to go back to school, to be given daily pocket money, and to meet friends, and, umm.. teachers? the other side of me wants to get along with the holiday. phew, what a dilemma. i just dunno.

school or no school, one thing's certain - without it, imagine how idiotic you'd be. :)

that's all.

my newest infatuation

zaty lent me her gossip girl dvds. i gladly watched them, and to my surprise i came to like the show, and one certain guy in it. a fictional character with the name, chuck bass.

oh for the love of god, is it me or is he just superly duperly handsome? annnndddd sexy. sorry zat, but i'm taking him. he's mine!

those gorgeous hazel eyes, that kissable sexy lips. he melts me, for sure!

btw, my former lover is actually cousins to my bestfriend, and i found that out approximately two months after pining over that dude.

a sad tale, isnt it?

goodbye my bestfriend

hawa's off to dubai. and she'll be living there for, according to the statements of others, 14 years. by the time she finally gets back to brunei, i would have been probably already married. shit to that.

anyways, i went to the airport alone. in my mind was that hawa isnt going for real, going for good. but when she hugged me, i could have sworn that tears all of a sudden just ran down my face. and then i stopped, i was fine. she stood there in a distance crying ang hugging her entire family and relatives. tears started to do their job and made me cry all over again. hawa saw me crying and wrapped her arms around me. when the gay hug was over, i jabbed her my middle finger and shouted, "fuck you bitch"

in front of all the masna girls, the two guy friends of hers as well as her uncle. everybody was kinda shocked at the sight of the both of us.

and hawa and her family went to the surau to pray, i finally stopped crying. i became sort off emotionless. i was silent all along and didn't say anything much in express on the second floor. soon after the whole praying thing was done, i went down the stairs and saw her and we hugged for, probably the last time. it was funny that i didnt cry at the time.

"dont you ever forget about me, bestfriend," she whispered in my ears.

and she went inside the departure room (whatever it's called) standing infront of me with her face washed by tears. i myself burst into tears at the sight of her. the last farewell, i guess.

'hawa~," I called. it was a good thing that she noticed i called her.

outside, a few mins after she went inside the departure room, tears again and again just rained down my face. *sigh

you see, when i was in form 1 i never thought that she'd be standing right infront of me saying goodbye and all but there she was. gone for years. a decade and a half.

life goes on, she has her own direction to go to while i have mine.

no more gay tight hugs, no more swearing, no more of that loud voice of hers, no more of that silly yet lovable personality, no more of a supportive friend that loves me as much as i do her.

bye my best best best friend.... i really will seriously miss youuu.. and i hope you'll read this crappy post of mine, love you with all my heart (well yeah, sorta). :')

screwed

mid year's coming. fuck it.

physics. biology. chemistry and worst of all, MATHS.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

aiyoo, i am seriously hurt. like crazy. curse it. curse the bloody SHIT that brought that person to my already messed up life.

i give up..

it was a waste of time. :'(

time for me to find another better person............ and when i say better, i really mean it.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

my bestie

ok ok..

these days i've been getting too much of nostalgic feelings you know.

damn..

esp my nslp school and my last year of ugama, lets just talk bout the latter. :)

2007

2008

gila, atu kan sama mua kami.

cali-cali. weird jua dulu atu eh..

kami (jannah and i) asal saja lapas sembahyang, time masuk class, menyanyi tah kami tu, lagu "this is what dreams are made of"

cawir sulnya..

pusing-pusing dalam class, cam urang gila. stu, da lagi kami main ampas-ampas butul, buduh.. hahah. cigu kami lagi slalu suruh buat exercise, membuat tia kami karang.. bemain truth or dare ngan si umi ada pulang. skali main nyambung nyambung crita and becrita pasal macam macam lah.. eish, siuk dulu atu eh. kadang kadang tidur tia kami. malas wah, even time sssru pun kami cam nada.

and i still remember our various topics of discussion. we kinda talked about everything. everything i tell you. and still do infact.

khatam was even cooler..

jannah thought i was crying when infact at the time, i was actually yawning. we also laughed watching at mr purple sleeping infront of us with his mouth open durtng khatam. aww, man.. i miss those bloody moments..

ahh, after finishing ugama, jannah and i stood side-by-side and i dunno, hope for something better just crossed our minds. i mean, hope for the future..

now, after two years, we're still close. like super close, still there for each other. i knw for a fact that it will always stay like that. insyaAllah:)

jan, i really miss you man!!!

4B bday celebration. :)

the pics are taken from mus's blog.

buruknya mua ku...

ini di namakan kegilaan bersama. :)

it was awesomely fun--entirely!